1st guy

I have been thinking if I shall pursue my graduate studies next year. Merely thinking about it excites me so I decided to take it into consideration to give me another reason to finish my Masters Degree this semester and so that I would have something to look up to next school year. They say if you have been thinking of something, that "thing" will surely enter in your dreams. I, being a person having more than one dream every time I sleep, regardless if I am on a bus, just taking a nap, or lying on my bed,  believe in this theory.

One of my dreams last night was about my first day in class as a PhD student. I came in late. To my surprise, my professor was Mr. 1st Guy. In all fairness, I never had a dream about him for like six years now and he was not in my mind that is why I wondered why he got into my dream. When I woke up, I opened my FB account and searched for his name. I thought he too, just like around 50% of my FB friends, is getting married or at least engaged. I did not read any "marriage" posts but just like his previous posts, he is still madly in love with his girlfriend.

Love? No, I have not felt it for almost eight years now because I am confident that I am with the better guy now. He picked me up when Mr. 1st Guy rejected me. He made me realize that as a girl, it was too much to cry for a guy who never really appreciated you in the first place. He served as the echo of my parents and teachers that ladies are supposed to be courted by real gentlemen and not the other way around.

Mr. 1st Guy was the first guy I cried about. Sya lang ang tanging lalaking niligawan ko because I thought that was the wisest thing to do. Figuratively, I undressed myself in front of him. I thought he was perfect. His eyes, his smile, his linggo I truly loved. I thought when I reach college I would be at par with him in many aspects in life. I thought we could be a perfect couple and that girls would envy me if I had him. All these thoughts, I guess, were wrong. There was no "us". I was the only one holding on and he never did.

My world turned 360 degrees! Because of such incident, I lost my scholarship, got attracted to girls, and dressed up kinda boyish (just to lose my attraction towards boys). But I never regret what I did because I learned a lot.

I do not know the explanation but sometimes, after that rejection, whenever I am rejected, it feels like there is a flashback of the actual scenario during my confession of love for him and then he turned me down.

Rejection really is painful. Until now, I still cry over some rejections (credit card application, better employer, unaccepted answers in exams, etc.). But what is good is that someone will always pick you up.

Oh well, this is life any way. We cannot have it all but we can have the best. :)

Almost there

Being a bread-winner and financing one's studies were never really easy for a small income earner like me. So I decided to make a move. For the past five months, I have been struggling for a better financial and emotional situation. I spent much, thought much, exerted much. At sometime I got sick because of the stress it had given me.

I somehow expected  for a positive result.

But just today, I learned that I did not make it. I cried over the text messages and phone call of my loved ones saying things are still OK despite the no so good news and that better stuffs are stored for me. I am so in dismay as of this moment that I want to buy two pairs of shoes before the day ends (yes, buying shoes is my stress reliever).

Hahay.

Maybe God wants me to be where I am now because many are expecting from me, because I have positioned myself already, and because I am being trained to be a good leader in the (near) future.

It might take days, weeks, or months before I finally concede that I really did not make it and that it is, was not, and will never be for me. But I still feel fortunate because there will be no adjustments at all, just a better swaying with the music this time around.

*To all those in the networking business, excuse me, but no thanks. :)

Going green = caring

I'm happy to see the people in Albay, specially the men, carrying paper bags as substitute for plastics. It's one of their very small contributions to mitigate the effects of climate change. But as for me, it's actually the way they carry these bags with care so that these paper bags would not be to torn out, thus their purchased items will not fall on the ground as they walk towards their next itinerary.

Why these men as the subject? It's because women by nature are more caring in almost all their possessions, both material and non-material.

In my 25 years of existence, before the implementation of the "No to Plastic" in the Province in Albay, I used to see men carrying paper bags only in foreign films, which means that in the Philippines, we were really used to utilizing plastic bags instead of the paper ones.

I find these men carrying paper bags very manly. Regardless how hustle it is to carry such bags, specially during rainy days, they really manage to keep all the things inside it still. The care they give to these bags somewhat gives me the impression how they also care for the things they have in their lives.

It feels good seeing most of Albayanos cooperate with the government through abiding the ordinance on the use recyclable and eco-friendly materials. But what makes me utter longer "ohh...!" is the fact that the "caring" is very visible. If all of us, regardless of our gender, would carry all our stuffs in life -- families, girlfriends/boyfriends, peers, officemates, classmates, teachers, friends, gadgets, cars, pieces of jewelry, money, NSO birth certificates (?), passports, diplomas, and others -- with care, then life would be very much OK. :)

It's a 'No'

Last summer, the idea of taking up a post graduate course came into my mind. I thought of taking up a Masters Degree but the course I wanted is not available here. So I decided to take up my dream post grad course when I was in college. I told myself I will finish it whatever happens. A very traumatic incident in our family also happened, which urged me to take up such course.

Upon the start of classes, I requested Dad to remove the TV from my room so that I could really focus on my readings. I even asked a bag from my sister where I could place at least two Law books (which my family calls 'Bibliya') at the same time. I also told everybody in the house to excuse me from house chores for four years since there would be no time for me to do such stuffs for I have to read after classes after work hours.

I inculcated in my mind that I will take up the nerve wrecking, brain cracking Bar exams after four years and be a lawyer after five years. The zest had always been here in my heart and mind, specially that my family, colleagues, and Boss have been supportive of me from my taking the entrance exam up to going out earlier from the office so as not to be late in classes. Most of my friends though were skeptic about my decision. Some even laughed at it, which is made me feel insulted. Well, I am happy to say that I have answered accurately the questions thrown to me during recitations, modesty aside.

The second month of classes came and my work was shrinking into my system that started my absences from classes since I could not read for the next lessons anymore. Yes, I do not go to classes whenever I am not prepared. This has always been my attitude since elementary. Fortunately though, when I was still an undergrad, my focus then was only on my studies so I was always prepared then. I tried to catch up with my studies but things happening now say "Kia, it's a No to lawyering." These "things" I want to keep for myself.

So, it's a "Yes". I am conceding.

I do not regret the expenses and efforts I incurred for at least I have experienced what it is like to study in the Best Law School in Southern Luzon. And this very short experience, worth it! It added my confidence and of course fed me some knowledge I was craving for.

I love my work and will not do anything to compromise it.

At last!

I got the chance to blog again after so many months.

My life has never been this exhausting and busy yet exciting. From hardly getting up to work, to logging into my Yahoo Messenger and Facebook (yes, because I sometimes do transactions via the site) accounts, reports generation and follow up, answering some phone calls, attending meetings, drafting lots of memorandum, doing lots of paper works, hurrying up to go to school, kumustahan in the house, chatting with Lawrence, watching telenovelas, and listening to love songs to make me asleep -- wow! Life is great! I am loving it more.

Time flies so fast. I thought I could not bare Lawrence's distance from me. Pero kaya naman pala at kailangang kayanin pa.

In the office, we are preparing for the Orgullo Kan Bikol-Regional Trade Fair and Bicol Investment Conference on October 7-10, 2010 at the SM Megamall. For three consecutive years, I was just a mere spectator and taga-bili ng tingi, but now, and hopefully for many years still, I am one of the organizers. And wow, preparing for such event is really exhausting pala. Some of my provincial counterparts even tell me naku-culture shock na raw ako since I am very new in the Regional Office. Well, not really a shock for me. Yes, it is exhausting that even in my dreams, the papers on my table are there plus the reports and the queries of my counterparts. But these are some of the things that make me happy. After all, I believe I am born to be productive.

I actually have not reported to one subject for one month now because I really cannot read cases anymore that whenever I get home, I just want to lay down and rest and sometimes just loose my appetite.

But hey, aaaannngg sssaarraaappp ng life!!! Since 2010 started, there were so many first times that happened to me, which make my life very challenging and exciting.

Last night, I realized, all my prayers were answered and that is really something to be thankful of.

I hope to fill another page again of this site soon. I miss writing. I miss writing. I don't even know if this blog would still work, but if I do not try it again, kelan pa?

I love you all! Let us love each other. (Masaya lang, at palagi dapat)

Beyond weddings

Because I learned just recently (like two weeks ago) that three of my friends are getting married next month, another will tie the knot next year, and another in 2012, I asked Mom why these things are happening -- I mean, why are my friends getting married at our age?

She replied, "Remember that you are one year younger than your batch mates. It could also be that they could already finance a family. But whatever the reason is, it is their choice. Why? Do you also want to get married now?" -- with an angry yet smiling face.

My answer to her question was, of course, not yet. I have so many reasons on this and the very basic is the financial constraint.

As for me, marriage is sacred. No one or nothing should break it, only death. I think it would devoid me from some or most of the things I love doing now. Yes, I should be ready for it sometime soon. But as of now, I am still preparing for it. My partner is also doing the same. Ehem.

Wedding announcements came as a shock for me until I thought perhaps they are ready for it, after all we have come of age.

I admit, I sometimes envy those people of my age who are now engaged or have just got married and have kids. But what can I do? I am not yet ready.

When I get married, I want a peaceful and secured life. I want a close bond with my husband's kin and friends. I still would want to tell my husband if I have a crush on someone else; after all, I think admiration should not stop once one's civil status changes from S to M. I would want to give my child the basic things he/she needs, not the luxuries of life. I want to be the best Mom and wife I could ever be.

Indeed, I am not getting any younger and time flies so fast. Today is the start of my post-graduate studies days, which would determine my future, my family's future.

To my friends who are getting married soon, my best wishes to all of you. I am happy for all of you. You are now just a few steps closer to the "This is it life". May you live a Christian life.

Excited

I am definitely excited about our country's future with a new president along with relatively new governance.

Specifically, I am excited for accessible hospitals with sufficient equipment for all; paperless requirements for microfinancing; appropriate job-matching; greener Philippines; increased minimum wage; continued Holiday Economics; increased benefits for farmers, construction workers, junk shop workforce and their families; and justice for all.

How about you, what are you excited about?

The media says Filipinos are now wise voters as we have already experienced several political unrest issues that, I think, need not be brought up here. It also says the youth is already aware of what is going on and how to exercise their right on May 10, 2010 and what it means when one exercises his right to suffrage. I really hope so. I am keeping my fingers crossed on this.

If our next leaders fail, majority of the voting public should be blamed because their powers put those leaders in the ranks. Ergo, these majority should vote for the right candidate so that no one is to blame.

Hay nako! Bumoto kasi tayo nang tama!

Meeting the regions

I was in Manila last week for a six-day training. Upon arrival there, things were definitely not new to me. But when I stayed for awhile at Lawrence's place, my used-to-be-second-home there had some changes like the absence of his housemate's pet monkey, his new roommate, and a dirt filter in their kitchen faucet. I really missed the place because it was my second abode for nine months where my boyfriend and I used to do most of our stuffs. Well, generally, I miss the Metropolis life notwithstanding the high cost of living and pollution. (".)

On the first day of our training, I felt like I really did not know why I was the one sent there since I was the youngest and the newest member in the group; ergo I do not know the topics when I first glanced at the programme. But as the days went on, I eventually got along with the group and realized I already learned the topics when I was still in college but things are really different when one is already on the field or actually doing the job.

The training was somewhat a review of what I have learned in school and integrating it in the projects of the government. That, for me, is cool. (",)

On our first day, I decided to go to my former workplace since I could not do a thing comfortably in Manila than doing it in my former office. It's a secret actually. Haha. I am happy that the warmth of the people there never changed at all. My peers and I had dinner in a nearby street, discovered a store nearby, and went out of the store with smiling faces. ("P)

My second and third days were not that memorable to me, though the learning I got was good.

On the fourth day, the participants from Mindanao insisted that we go to Trinoma Mall and then ride the MRT upon going home. So we did with me as the tour guide. I bet they had a really different experience with that activity.

On the fifth day, from the training venue, I was lucky to ride the Department's shuttle bus -- my most often mode of transportation going to the boarding house when I was still in Manila -- when I went to my former employer to get an important document. ("+) I was saved from the stop overs of jeepneys, fare, the risks of being with strangers, and most especially, the extreme heat that Metro Manila is experiencing. Really extreme.

On our last day, I was so excited to go home that I could not even eat well as I was excited to tell my family the experiences I had with my very first nation-wide training.

Oh, that week-long training! I thought it was long, but if one really enjoys, time runs so fast.

I am looking forward to more similar activities as I need those in my career and personal growth as well.

2nd Week

Tomorrow marks my 14th day here in Bicol while today is the start of my 2nd week as a government employee.

On my first three days, I had to go out of the office every now and then to accomplish my appointment requirements. Meanwhile, just today, the ribbon-cutting of the DTI-sponsored exhibit and trade fair was held and I was so happy because I also had my hands on the preparation of the story board.

Important people I saw during the ribbon-cutting include Sen. Loren Legarda, Albay Gov. Joey Salceda, and a beauty queen cutting the ribbon; capitol staff and personnel wearing a common shirt and joining the parade; the media covering the event, which is not anymore new to me since I worked with the Department's Communications and Media Office before; the DTI-5 Assistant Regional Director asking me how am I doing and telling me it is better to live in the province; and my buds from the Business Development Division.

Living here is really different from my urban life back in the Metropolis. Here, I must always think about my family on the expenses and other decisions; whereas in Manila, I should always think of my survival, only my survival. After all, this is how life goes.

During my last few days in Manila, I thought I would be somewhat difficult for me to adjust with the life here because I was already used to speedy transactions and movements of the people along the streets. But I realized, I was once like the people here. So I said to myself, this is the time to relax along the streets or in the malls and pursue a post graduate study.

I will apply in my present job whatever technical work I have learned from my former officemates and bosses. But I need more and will be needing more, thus, should learn more.

Pain and catharsis

After more than two years of being a Contractual Employee and struggling with the traffic, noise, pollution, and strangers, I am now going back to Bicol as a regular government employee. The informal notice came just yesterday. Sad to say, I have to leave the Head Office before the month ends.

Upon learning my application status, I felt mixed emotions, until now. I feel sad that I have to leave so soon to give way for a better employment status in the province, which gave me a catharsis.

I will miss every thing I had here in Manila -- officemates, housemates, food, liberty, spots, noise, and speedy transactions. I even told my Bosses this is both a sad and happy event: sad because I will have to leave my long-time workplace and the bonding among us in the office; and happy in such a way that I have at last got a permanent position in the government and I would again be living with my family. But they told me, this is how life really goes -- every thing must grow.

I know things and events in the province are not anymore new to me since I was born and raised there. But because I am already used to the situation here in the Metropolis, I will again have to get used to what the provincial life has to offer, after all, this is for my growth.

Really, since yesterday, I cannot understand what my tummy wants. I still eat (a lot, haha), but I just excrete my intakes afterwards; and my whole body is aching. I understand this is the effect of mixed emotions that I have been feeling since yesterday -- sadness and excitement.

I am doing my best not to cry, but I guess my tears will just inevitably fall from my eyes on my last day in the office.

I will really miss every thing here in the Metropolis. But the career that is waiting for me in the province is what I have been waiting for and I know I will be happy with my family and working with my fellow Bicolanos.

This swallowing is bitter as leaving is really a hard thing to do. But I know the fruits I will be harvesting would be sweeter.

Thank you so much, my Department of Trade and Industry-Communications and Media Office (DTI-CMO) family. Hello, my DTI-Region 5 family.

Uh! Hhhot!

The country is now experiencing climate change. As early as February this year, atmospheric temperature is already high, as if we are experiencing early summer.

I for one, am experiencing it before and after office hours. Imagine, at night, our room utilizes 4 electric fans - a stand fan, desk fan, ceiling fan, and wall fan - all at the same time at its supposed to be coolest temperature. Pero parang wa epek pa rin sa ssssooobbrrraaaang init! My lipsticks are also already destroyed by the extreme heat, so I have to buy replacements for those. Also, I need to buy indoor clothes, which are so nipis for me to survive the heat. Tsk, magastos pala ang climate change?

I am lucky I have an office-based work, wherein naka-aircon nang bongga for eight hours. I pity those into Sales who still need to transfer from one place to another just to sell their items. Hay... On this, all I can say is that mahirap kumita ng pera and the labor market is another topic, which my boyfriend wanted me to write about (but I really can't unless contest ito. hehe).

People, if climate changes, we can do more by starting it less.

On 27 March 2010, let us all participate in the Earth Hour at 8:30-9:30PM - an hour of lights-off against climate change.

Make a change, Juan! Make it happen!

Writing *breathes out loudly*

I promise myself the next job I will have would be a non-writing one. Um, let us just say I have reached the diminishing utility in writing. But how would I be able to have a non-writing career when all I have practiced and my past and present jobs are into intensive writing?

When I was thinking on what course to take up in college, I told my parents I wanted a Communications-related course, specifically Journalism or Broadcasting. But we do not have the resources then for me to study in a school that offers quality Communications-related courses so I took up AB Economics instead. I loved the subject since its introduction to me by our Social Studies teacher. This has entirely washed away my thoughts on taking up a Comm course but, still, I did not give up my extra-curricular activities on writing stuffs such as being part of our high school Editorial Board and writing and oratorical contests.

My college years came and I told myself I would still be active in extra-curricular activities while maintaining my scholarship. I became officer of various school organizations and staff of the college publication. I resigned as a staff member to give way for my academic demands. But when our Departmental Publication Editor-in-Chief (EIC) offered me a slot in the paper, I immediately said "yes"; and when our college emerged as a new one, I was one of those who urged the college admin to build up a new publication, of which I became one of the founding members, Associate Editor, and Editor-in-Chief.

I graduated "OK" while combining my then dream of being a Comm student, through my publication involvement, and an Econ student.

Days before our graduation, my then employer called me up. The Human Resource Officer told me to report in their office as an employee after I graduate. Overwhelmed, I immediately grabbed the opportunity. I felt so lucky because I did not experience "super job hunting" under the sun. Three months later, I felt the atmosphere there was not for me and I decided to stop my writing career.

I resigned to do walk-in applications in various banks. I learned from a friend that one private bank, where he is an employee, was about to hire me but the management learned I was already hired by and working in the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) as a...what else, Writer.

Almost a year ago, I once again felt the diminishing utility in writing plus the fact that my salary versus expenses were break even that I could not go to Bicol whenever much needed because my money was never enough. But (yes, another but) I applied as a Web Writer in the same agency; this time, with kinda higher pay but (and another but), without a single benefit at all.

In effect, I do not know any other jobs than writing (and perhaps some minor secretarial work and as a call center agent).

I am not complaining. This is a gift, which some people has not received. I just want to grow, as everybody needs it, right?

Nevertheless, no matter how much I crave for career growth, I feel lucky having this skill. It is not wise to boast but I am proud I could at least write. My grammar may not be perfect, but I have seen how my skills have improved from my writings in elementary, to my diary writings, to super very few love letters for Lawrence (I am mentioning his name again, why not? haha), up to my outputs in my current job.

Thank you, Lord. I know You understand me. We talk a lot about this every night, right? I will wait for Your answer. (^^,)

Unbecoming

In a span of seven days, I transacted with, met, and saw several people who are so unbecoming. Just a few minutes ago, I talked to a well-known bank's Customer Service staff via phone. The tone of her voice was so arrogant. She spoke in Filipino but didn't use "po" and "opo". I am the customer, but as if she was just talking to a non-customer whom she doesn't respect. I see her whenever I visit their branch and her personality depicts what she is on phone. What a front-liner?!

The other people, I couldn't disclose their identities sa sobrang dami nila, mostly girls.

These people are so irritating, right? I even asked myself the reason for their existence for they aren't of any help to me and to many others who are also irritated of them.

Nevertheless, I need to see things in a positive way. Kahit negatibo na agad ang pinakita nila sa akin, kailangan kong barahin 'yon. My upbeat thought in this post is that they are obstacles that I must surpass to test my calmness and grace no matter what the situation is.

I can do this because I must surpass this. Che!

Love

I have been thinking several times whether to write on this or not. The causes of my hesitation are that I might not get the thoughts right, I might miss some other things, or I might feel the pain again. Basta, bahala na.

2009 was really memorable to me and taught me many things about love.

Before, whenever I see a couple na isa lang sa kanila ang may magandang itsura o ang nasa magandang estado sa buhay, I used to ask myself, "Why?" and then arrive at a conclusion that "Yung isa sa kanila hindi nag-iisip nang mabuti."

But when I experienced being alone (you know what I mean), I realized sobrang maling mali ako, as in. So immature of me to have such thought. Well, probably, 'yung iba, hindi na nag-isip nang mabuti kasi malapit na sila sa "finish line" or just very desperate to move on and forget the previous pain they felt.

Pero sa totoo lang, true love does not see the physicality of an individual, I mean kung sinuman man 'yung taong mamahalin 'nya. It's the feeling that everything would be alright whenever you are with him/her. It's the feeling that every hindrance would be surpassed with him/her as your number one supporter.

I also learned that some of the secrets of a lasting relationship as in marriage is that one has to be submissive to his/her partner at kapag nakakasakal na ng sobra, well, talk it over, talk it over, and talk it over because marriage is so sacred that nothing should ever break it. Hindi ito tulad ng pagiging mag-jowa na pwdeng mag-break or cool-off at kapag ayaw na talaga, go search for another one or merely wait.

Moreover, I learned that if you really love a person, you will give the best for him/her; OR if ever you lost him/her and you want him/her back, punan mo ang lahat ng naging pagkukulang mo sa kanya. Lugi ka nga lang kung talagang ayaw na sa'yo ng tao at ibang usapan na ito.

In summary, the failed relationship I had with one of the very important persons in my life opened my eyes to the world of reality that once in a while, one has to be alone to see the world clearly in his own perspective for him to think of accurate things for his survival.

New

I woke up at 5:45AM. I knew I would be experiencing the super hassle in MRT, so I decided to take a bus instead. Though at the back of my mind was that thought that I might be late for work, I did not make the motion I usual do whenever I am getting late. Rather, I did things (pagtupi ng mga nilabhang damit, pag-ayos ng higaan, and preparing myself for work) calmly, which is something new for me. As I walk through the roads going to EDSA and then to our office building, I felt like everything was new, though they were all familiar.

I do not know if I am just convincing myself to see all things new to forget all the kabadtripan in 2009 or I just miss this jungle after a 10-day vacation with Mt. Mayon in my sight.

To be a calm person is really one of my New Year's resolution. 2009 had been so harsh to me, in all aspects, which are depicted on my previous posts. It was also the year when I had lots of panics. So for 2010, I will lessen those and be a calm person.

Today

Since I arrived home, I usually sleep at 12:00 midnight and wake up at 10:00AM. In effect, my first meal is brunch (combination of breakfast and lunch). Same thing happened today, with some reflections from what transpired in last night's high school friends reunion.

I missed my friends so much. One of them I was able to talk to after almost 5 years but things have not changed drastically. All of them are still the closest friends of mine I once knew. And since we have come of age, we could now talk about our ex-crushes and lovers without bitterness. We just laughed at every thing, making our house the noisiest in the neighborhood due to loud laughing as always.

Our food was great with all the bring and share stuffs. Marami ngang natira, so marami kaming pagkain ngayon. hehe.

However, because four of them were not able to attend and in time for one of my friends' birthday, we have scheduled another get-together before I go back to the jungle of Manila. This time, not in our house, but in a yet to be disclosed restaurant. Hmmm.

I really miss the bonding we had in high school, specially that we went to different colleges and universities and that my former love life did not permit me to see them that often without my then boyfriend as chaperon.

Oh well, 2010 is coming. One day na lang. One of my wishes for next year is that whenever I get home, I could give whatever my family asks from me. I will work out for it. I must!

Almost The End

It is so amazing how time passes by so fast, as in really fast. It's almost the end of the year, which gave my life so much color, both bright and gloomy ones.

Last week, I participated in the Kumpisalang Bayan in our Parish -- the first time I had the sacrament of confession in Manila. While I was talking to God to prepare myself for my conversation with the priest, I realized it has been so long since I last talked to God that serious. I promised Him I'll do everything to meet him in church every Sunday. But I was not able to do that last Sunday, kasi ang daming tao, I knew mahihilo na naman ako. I felt so ashamed to Him, which urged me to have my eyes checked when I get home para hindi na ma-compromise ang participation ko sa church pagmaraming tao. So I will welcome 2010 with eyeglasses.

Other than new eyeglasses, I will also welcome 2010 will less worries, better career (promise na talaga), and more love and grace despite pressure.

Well, this post is supposed to be a recap of what transpired in my life in 2009, though the year has not ended yet. Kasi naman ngayon lang ako nagka-time to blog again. Partida nga, ang dami kong ka-chat while writing this down. I also don't know if we already have Internet connection when I arrive home.

In 2009...

I had lots of career opportunities both from the private and government sectors -- better ones, really. I was about to give in to their piracy on me. But things were not on the right places then, so I stayed with my DTI family, which leveled the pirates' offers. Honestly, the DTI had the lowest offer. Hehe. But I realized things will be better in due time and I am learning a lot here.

Yhen "The Fashionista Kitty" and Aye "The Ex-Sem Horsy" entered the DTI-CMO family. With their arrival, our office became the noisiest of all (I think). Yhen initiated the clearing of the DTI Website, which attracted me to be in direct touch with the site. Haha. Aye, on the other hand, is the real epitome of a true seminarian. He added more kahalayan, I mean kabutihan, in the office, especially when it comes to photo enhancements and other audio visual stuffs.

I was diagnosed with laryngopharyngeal reflux (LPR) -- a disease characterized by the overflowing of acids from the stomach lining to the throat. So I had to give up eating (or just seldom eat/drink) chocolates, coffee, tea, and tomato-based food -- my favorites.

My sister made it to their College Student Council's (CSC) presidential post. In spite of all my discouragement, she still took the risk. Hard-headed Lally talaga. So far, all their projects were successful but she is still suffering the burden, syempre, Presidente eh. Pero masaya sya sa ginagawa n'ya to be of service to her schoolmates.

Suan graduated in high school. I accompanied him in his college campus hopping for him to decide were to spend his tertiary education.

I had my Manila Hotel experience. Nakakatakot but fun experience huh.

We all (if not most of us) experienced the many typhoons' hagupit. For my part, I had my Ondoy, Pepeng, and Santi experiences, which I already wrote in my previous posts. Because of these typhoons, I discovered I have the tendency to panic whenever I get nervous.

My officemates and I went to Sofitel for an international gathering of top business process outsourcing (BPO) company executives. So sosi but so sad we were not able to get good pictures. Nevertheless, Jam's digicam did its best. Haha.

My officemates and I went to Divisoria -- my first and last for this year.

My long-time boyfriend and I broke up. The event made our lives became so open even to those who are not that close to us. "A very controversial break up," as my ex says.

I did not make it again to the DTI-System on Performance Rewards and Incentives (SPRInts) for the second straight year. This is an award given to excellent DTI employees. Well, it just goes to show I am not excellent, di ba? I really am not, I know. I am happy for those who made it because in the government sector, people seldom acknowledge monetarily or through other benefits an employee's excellent performance. Madalas, dapat tumanda, maaksidente, o mamatay muna ang isang empleyado bago parangalan o makatanggap ng anumang incentive.

There.

So colorful 2009. I wish for a better 2010 and even better years ahead.

What now?

While I was walking along the street of Gil Puyat this morning, I realized I need to blog again. But of course questions came into my mind before I finally decided to do this again after two weeks. Would it hurt still? Would I cry? How would my readers react? But no, I am free, so I can write anything.

Yes, it still hurts. Sometimes I still catch myself tulala but I didn't cry anymore after the confrontation we had last week.

We decided to be friends. We still see each other once a week but are not committed; ergo, no promises, no expectations, no demands. This thing is kinda hard because I was so used to his always being present and ready whenever I need him. I miss his daily text messages, his cuisine, and the rules he had set for our relationship.

But looking back, in the past six months of always seeing each other and having "our daily routine", we realized we are happier now with this situation. We communicate better now, understand each other, don't fight, and don't disagree on anything. Everything is so light, no rush. Things are much better indeed.

Having him in the future is so blurry now. But life is beautiful and doesn't revolve around boys. 'Di ba? Asus!

With what happened, I learned a lot of people love me and there is more of life. For now, I am focusing on my career (so showbiz), family, and lots of friends.

To the people who were hurt because of this, Law and I are sorry. We need this for our maturity and our own families. We still love each other, but things are much better this way.

When best comes to worst

Some of my best moments in life happened when we were still together. The worst so far happened yesterday, after we decided to finally break up. This worst thing is still happening now as I can feel the pain and sadness, of course as aftermath of what recently happened.

When I told my closest officemates about it, they didn't believe me at first because they were used to our one-day break ups or simple misunderstandings. But things were really different prior to it, that's why we both agreed on our relationship's death.

The past days, a lot of misunderstandings that led to fights happened. Until we both became cold toward our relationship. We still saw each other but very few conversions took place and he was so quiet -- a thing so unusual of him. I kept on asking him to say something like how his day was, housemates, family, travel, etc., but he just replied, "I have nothing to tell you." -- as short as that. I couldn't get the catch. It's hard to explain a person's point when only few and abstract words or reaction come from his mouth or face.

Uh, I'll keep this post short for now. I'm not yet ready to write every thing. I need to take care of my health, so I need to be strong, right? Oh, by the way, he knows that whenever I cry, I couldn't breathe well. There.

He gave up already. So I let him go.

The many changes

The only thing constant in this world is change. I do not need to enumerate samples of universal changes because this page would not be enough if I do so. But I do have my list of changes I see and experience in a micro way (oah! that's so Economics huh!). Check these out:

• Before, we do things in sweet ways. Now, we do not do things in sweet ways. We, the young ones, really need to listen to our elders. They often say only the early part of a boy-girl relationship is sweet, the rest is not so, until it becomes bitter. This is so true. Promise!
• Before, I am skinny. Now, I am soo fat.
  
• Before, I receive my salary on-time or day before the pay-day. Now, I am not getting the definition of a pay-day, since it is now called pay-late. This is true to me only.
• Before, I can live with just prawn crackers as my meal. Now, I need to eat heavy at day time and only fruits at night.
• Before, I love seeing him everyday. Now, I wish we seldom see each other so that we would miss each other and also seldom fight.
• Before, I can upload photos in my Friendster account. Now, I can't do it anymore. It must be the Internet system.
• Before, I wanted to be rich. Now, I just want to live a simple life.
• Before, I thought all college deans are reputable. Now, I realized it is not the Doctorate nor whatever post graduate degree that determines a person's value. Knowledge and certificates can be easily grabbed, but character takes a lifetime to be formed.
• Before, I wanted just a small digicam. Now, even if time comes when I already have money to buy one, I think I will wait for the time when I can already purchase a professional cam.

Those are all for now.