1st guy

I have been thinking if I shall pursue my graduate studies next year. Merely thinking about it excites me so I decided to take it into consideration to give me another reason to finish my Masters Degree this semester and so that I would have something to look up to next school year. They say if you have been thinking of something, that "thing" will surely enter in your dreams. I, being a person having more than one dream every time I sleep, regardless if I am on a bus, just taking a nap, or lying on my bed,  believe in this theory.

One of my dreams last night was about my first day in class as a PhD student. I came in late. To my surprise, my professor was Mr. 1st Guy. In all fairness, I never had a dream about him for like six years now and he was not in my mind that is why I wondered why he got into my dream. When I woke up, I opened my FB account and searched for his name. I thought he too, just like around 50% of my FB friends, is getting married or at least engaged. I did not read any "marriage" posts but just like his previous posts, he is still madly in love with his girlfriend.

Love? No, I have not felt it for almost eight years now because I am confident that I am with the better guy now. He picked me up when Mr. 1st Guy rejected me. He made me realize that as a girl, it was too much to cry for a guy who never really appreciated you in the first place. He served as the echo of my parents and teachers that ladies are supposed to be courted by real gentlemen and not the other way around.

Mr. 1st Guy was the first guy I cried about. Sya lang ang tanging lalaking niligawan ko because I thought that was the wisest thing to do. Figuratively, I undressed myself in front of him. I thought he was perfect. His eyes, his smile, his linggo I truly loved. I thought when I reach college I would be at par with him in many aspects in life. I thought we could be a perfect couple and that girls would envy me if I had him. All these thoughts, I guess, were wrong. There was no "us". I was the only one holding on and he never did.

My world turned 360 degrees! Because of such incident, I lost my scholarship, got attracted to girls, and dressed up kinda boyish (just to lose my attraction towards boys). But I never regret what I did because I learned a lot.

I do not know the explanation but sometimes, after that rejection, whenever I am rejected, it feels like there is a flashback of the actual scenario during my confession of love for him and then he turned me down.

Rejection really is painful. Until now, I still cry over some rejections (credit card application, better employer, unaccepted answers in exams, etc.). But what is good is that someone will always pick you up.

Oh well, this is life any way. We cannot have it all but we can have the best. :)

Almost there

Being a bread-winner and financing one's studies were never really easy for a small income earner like me. So I decided to make a move. For the past five months, I have been struggling for a better financial and emotional situation. I spent much, thought much, exerted much. At sometime I got sick because of the stress it had given me.

I somehow expected  for a positive result.

But just today, I learned that I did not make it. I cried over the text messages and phone call of my loved ones saying things are still OK despite the no so good news and that better stuffs are stored for me. I am so in dismay as of this moment that I want to buy two pairs of shoes before the day ends (yes, buying shoes is my stress reliever).

Hahay.

Maybe God wants me to be where I am now because many are expecting from me, because I have positioned myself already, and because I am being trained to be a good leader in the (near) future.

It might take days, weeks, or months before I finally concede that I really did not make it and that it is, was not, and will never be for me. But I still feel fortunate because there will be no adjustments at all, just a better swaying with the music this time around.

*To all those in the networking business, excuse me, but no thanks. :)

Going green = caring

I'm happy to see the people in Albay, specially the men, carrying paper bags as substitute for plastics. It's one of their very small contributions to mitigate the effects of climate change. But as for me, it's actually the way they carry these bags with care so that these paper bags would not be to torn out, thus their purchased items will not fall on the ground as they walk towards their next itinerary.

Why these men as the subject? It's because women by nature are more caring in almost all their possessions, both material and non-material.

In my 25 years of existence, before the implementation of the "No to Plastic" in the Province in Albay, I used to see men carrying paper bags only in foreign films, which means that in the Philippines, we were really used to utilizing plastic bags instead of the paper ones.

I find these men carrying paper bags very manly. Regardless how hustle it is to carry such bags, specially during rainy days, they really manage to keep all the things inside it still. The care they give to these bags somewhat gives me the impression how they also care for the things they have in their lives.

It feels good seeing most of Albayanos cooperate with the government through abiding the ordinance on the use recyclable and eco-friendly materials. But what makes me utter longer "ohh...!" is the fact that the "caring" is very visible. If all of us, regardless of our gender, would carry all our stuffs in life -- families, girlfriends/boyfriends, peers, officemates, classmates, teachers, friends, gadgets, cars, pieces of jewelry, money, NSO birth certificates (?), passports, diplomas, and others -- with care, then life would be very much OK. :)

It's a 'No'

Last summer, the idea of taking up a post graduate course came into my mind. I thought of taking up a Masters Degree but the course I wanted is not available here. So I decided to take up my dream post grad course when I was in college. I told myself I will finish it whatever happens. A very traumatic incident in our family also happened, which urged me to take up such course.

Upon the start of classes, I requested Dad to remove the TV from my room so that I could really focus on my readings. I even asked a bag from my sister where I could place at least two Law books (which my family calls 'Bibliya') at the same time. I also told everybody in the house to excuse me from house chores for four years since there would be no time for me to do such stuffs for I have to read after classes after work hours.

I inculcated in my mind that I will take up the nerve wrecking, brain cracking Bar exams after four years and be a lawyer after five years. The zest had always been here in my heart and mind, specially that my family, colleagues, and Boss have been supportive of me from my taking the entrance exam up to going out earlier from the office so as not to be late in classes. Most of my friends though were skeptic about my decision. Some even laughed at it, which is made me feel insulted. Well, I am happy to say that I have answered accurately the questions thrown to me during recitations, modesty aside.

The second month of classes came and my work was shrinking into my system that started my absences from classes since I could not read for the next lessons anymore. Yes, I do not go to classes whenever I am not prepared. This has always been my attitude since elementary. Fortunately though, when I was still an undergrad, my focus then was only on my studies so I was always prepared then. I tried to catch up with my studies but things happening now say "Kia, it's a No to lawyering." These "things" I want to keep for myself.

So, it's a "Yes". I am conceding.

I do not regret the expenses and efforts I incurred for at least I have experienced what it is like to study in the Best Law School in Southern Luzon. And this very short experience, worth it! It added my confidence and of course fed me some knowledge I was craving for.

I love my work and will not do anything to compromise it.

At last!

I got the chance to blog again after so many months.

My life has never been this exhausting and busy yet exciting. From hardly getting up to work, to logging into my Yahoo Messenger and Facebook (yes, because I sometimes do transactions via the site) accounts, reports generation and follow up, answering some phone calls, attending meetings, drafting lots of memorandum, doing lots of paper works, hurrying up to go to school, kumustahan in the house, chatting with Lawrence, watching telenovelas, and listening to love songs to make me asleep -- wow! Life is great! I am loving it more.

Time flies so fast. I thought I could not bare Lawrence's distance from me. Pero kaya naman pala at kailangang kayanin pa.

In the office, we are preparing for the Orgullo Kan Bikol-Regional Trade Fair and Bicol Investment Conference on October 7-10, 2010 at the SM Megamall. For three consecutive years, I was just a mere spectator and taga-bili ng tingi, but now, and hopefully for many years still, I am one of the organizers. And wow, preparing for such event is really exhausting pala. Some of my provincial counterparts even tell me naku-culture shock na raw ako since I am very new in the Regional Office. Well, not really a shock for me. Yes, it is exhausting that even in my dreams, the papers on my table are there plus the reports and the queries of my counterparts. But these are some of the things that make me happy. After all, I believe I am born to be productive.

I actually have not reported to one subject for one month now because I really cannot read cases anymore that whenever I get home, I just want to lay down and rest and sometimes just loose my appetite.

But hey, aaaannngg sssaarraaappp ng life!!! Since 2010 started, there were so many first times that happened to me, which make my life very challenging and exciting.

Last night, I realized, all my prayers were answered and that is really something to be thankful of.

I hope to fill another page again of this site soon. I miss writing. I miss writing. I don't even know if this blog would still work, but if I do not try it again, kelan pa?

I love you all! Let us love each other. (Masaya lang, at palagi dapat)

Beyond weddings

Because I learned just recently (like two weeks ago) that three of my friends are getting married next month, another will tie the knot next year, and another in 2012, I asked Mom why these things are happening -- I mean, why are my friends getting married at our age?

She replied, "Remember that you are one year younger than your batch mates. It could also be that they could already finance a family. But whatever the reason is, it is their choice. Why? Do you also want to get married now?" -- with an angry yet smiling face.

My answer to her question was, of course, not yet. I have so many reasons on this and the very basic is the financial constraint.

As for me, marriage is sacred. No one or nothing should break it, only death. I think it would devoid me from some or most of the things I love doing now. Yes, I should be ready for it sometime soon. But as of now, I am still preparing for it. My partner is also doing the same. Ehem.

Wedding announcements came as a shock for me until I thought perhaps they are ready for it, after all we have come of age.

I admit, I sometimes envy those people of my age who are now engaged or have just got married and have kids. But what can I do? I am not yet ready.

When I get married, I want a peaceful and secured life. I want a close bond with my husband's kin and friends. I still would want to tell my husband if I have a crush on someone else; after all, I think admiration should not stop once one's civil status changes from S to M. I would want to give my child the basic things he/she needs, not the luxuries of life. I want to be the best Mom and wife I could ever be.

Indeed, I am not getting any younger and time flies so fast. Today is the start of my post-graduate studies days, which would determine my future, my family's future.

To my friends who are getting married soon, my best wishes to all of you. I am happy for all of you. You are now just a few steps closer to the "This is it life". May you live a Christian life.

Excited

I am definitely excited about our country's future with a new president along with relatively new governance.

Specifically, I am excited for accessible hospitals with sufficient equipment for all; paperless requirements for microfinancing; appropriate job-matching; greener Philippines; increased minimum wage; continued Holiday Economics; increased benefits for farmers, construction workers, junk shop workforce and their families; and justice for all.

How about you, what are you excited about?

The media says Filipinos are now wise voters as we have already experienced several political unrest issues that, I think, need not be brought up here. It also says the youth is already aware of what is going on and how to exercise their right on May 10, 2010 and what it means when one exercises his right to suffrage. I really hope so. I am keeping my fingers crossed on this.

If our next leaders fail, majority of the voting public should be blamed because their powers put those leaders in the ranks. Ergo, these majority should vote for the right candidate so that no one is to blame.

Hay nako! Bumoto kasi tayo nang tama!

Meeting the regions

I was in Manila last week for a six-day training. Upon arrival there, things were definitely not new to me. But when I stayed for awhile at Lawrence's place, my used-to-be-second-home there had some changes like the absence of his housemate's pet monkey, his new roommate, and a dirt filter in their kitchen faucet. I really missed the place because it was my second abode for nine months where my boyfriend and I used to do most of our stuffs. Well, generally, I miss the Metropolis life notwithstanding the high cost of living and pollution. (".)

On the first day of our training, I felt like I really did not know why I was the one sent there since I was the youngest and the newest member in the group; ergo I do not know the topics when I first glanced at the programme. But as the days went on, I eventually got along with the group and realized I already learned the topics when I was still in college but things are really different when one is already on the field or actually doing the job.

The training was somewhat a review of what I have learned in school and integrating it in the projects of the government. That, for me, is cool. (",)

On our first day, I decided to go to my former workplace since I could not do a thing comfortably in Manila than doing it in my former office. It's a secret actually. Haha. I am happy that the warmth of the people there never changed at all. My peers and I had dinner in a nearby street, discovered a store nearby, and went out of the store with smiling faces. ("P)

My second and third days were not that memorable to me, though the learning I got was good.

On the fourth day, the participants from Mindanao insisted that we go to Trinoma Mall and then ride the MRT upon going home. So we did with me as the tour guide. I bet they had a really different experience with that activity.

On the fifth day, from the training venue, I was lucky to ride the Department's shuttle bus -- my most often mode of transportation going to the boarding house when I was still in Manila -- when I went to my former employer to get an important document. ("+) I was saved from the stop overs of jeepneys, fare, the risks of being with strangers, and most especially, the extreme heat that Metro Manila is experiencing. Really extreme.

On our last day, I was so excited to go home that I could not even eat well as I was excited to tell my family the experiences I had with my very first nation-wide training.

Oh, that week-long training! I thought it was long, but if one really enjoys, time runs so fast.

I am looking forward to more similar activities as I need those in my career and personal growth as well.

2nd Week

Tomorrow marks my 14th day here in Bicol while today is the start of my 2nd week as a government employee.

On my first three days, I had to go out of the office every now and then to accomplish my appointment requirements. Meanwhile, just today, the ribbon-cutting of the DTI-sponsored exhibit and trade fair was held and I was so happy because I also had my hands on the preparation of the story board.

Important people I saw during the ribbon-cutting include Sen. Loren Legarda, Albay Gov. Joey Salceda, and a beauty queen cutting the ribbon; capitol staff and personnel wearing a common shirt and joining the parade; the media covering the event, which is not anymore new to me since I worked with the Department's Communications and Media Office before; the DTI-5 Assistant Regional Director asking me how am I doing and telling me it is better to live in the province; and my buds from the Business Development Division.

Living here is really different from my urban life back in the Metropolis. Here, I must always think about my family on the expenses and other decisions; whereas in Manila, I should always think of my survival, only my survival. After all, this is how life goes.

During my last few days in Manila, I thought I would be somewhat difficult for me to adjust with the life here because I was already used to speedy transactions and movements of the people along the streets. But I realized, I was once like the people here. So I said to myself, this is the time to relax along the streets or in the malls and pursue a post graduate study.

I will apply in my present job whatever technical work I have learned from my former officemates and bosses. But I need more and will be needing more, thus, should learn more.

Pain and catharsis

After more than two years of being a Contractual Employee and struggling with the traffic, noise, pollution, and strangers, I am now going back to Bicol as a regular government employee. The informal notice came just yesterday. Sad to say, I have to leave the Head Office before the month ends.

Upon learning my application status, I felt mixed emotions, until now. I feel sad that I have to leave so soon to give way for a better employment status in the province, which gave me a catharsis.

I will miss every thing I had here in Manila -- officemates, housemates, food, liberty, spots, noise, and speedy transactions. I even told my Bosses this is both a sad and happy event: sad because I will have to leave my long-time workplace and the bonding among us in the office; and happy in such a way that I have at last got a permanent position in the government and I would again be living with my family. But they told me, this is how life really goes -- every thing must grow.

I know things and events in the province are not anymore new to me since I was born and raised there. But because I am already used to the situation here in the Metropolis, I will again have to get used to what the provincial life has to offer, after all, this is for my growth.

Really, since yesterday, I cannot understand what my tummy wants. I still eat (a lot, haha), but I just excrete my intakes afterwards; and my whole body is aching. I understand this is the effect of mixed emotions that I have been feeling since yesterday -- sadness and excitement.

I am doing my best not to cry, but I guess my tears will just inevitably fall from my eyes on my last day in the office.

I will really miss every thing here in the Metropolis. But the career that is waiting for me in the province is what I have been waiting for and I know I will be happy with my family and working with my fellow Bicolanos.

This swallowing is bitter as leaving is really a hard thing to do. But I know the fruits I will be harvesting would be sweeter.

Thank you so much, my Department of Trade and Industry-Communications and Media Office (DTI-CMO) family. Hello, my DTI-Region 5 family.